The other day Kimmi and I were sorting through pornographic Dvd's. Not surprisingly, we came across some gay porn called Barebacking With Bare Asses, or something like that, featuring young boys with lots of mascara and liner wearing nothing but tank tops and/or ties. I showed this cover to Kimmi.

KIMMI: How disgusting.
AYNA: Why though? This is hardly the worst cover we've unpacked today, let alone this week.
AYNA: *flashback to cover of Lesbian Scat Frenzy #4*
KIMMI: But I mean look at them. Poor boys. Forced to dress up and wear make up like ladies... These boys are someone's sons, you know.
AYNA: ...
KIMMI: Also I doubt that anyone finds this interesting.
AYNA: Boys having sex on camera, you mean?
KIMMI: Yeah. How can anyone get turned on by that? I don't think anyone gets turned on by that.
AYNA: So... You don't think anyone gets turned on by men having sex with men.
KIMMI: Exactly.
AYNA: ...
KIMMI: ...
AYNA: ...
KIMMI: Oh. Yeah. Except for gay men.


Ehgad, this boy. SO weird.

As most of you might know I work in a sex shop. The people I work with there are a varied assembly of personalities: there's me- the underachieving student; the grumpy boss lady with a dark secret; the short goth girl from the north with an allergy for precise work hours; the goodwilled swede who doesn't understand Norwegian; and Kimmi. Kimmi is our newest member. Kimmi is a young male (23), metrosexual, from the good part of town, orange, and very stupid. martinemonsterthinks he's just faking it, that's how stupid he is. Or no. That's not right. I don't know he is stupid, he just says very stupid things. He says the darndest things, in fact. And I've decided that I should blog about the things he says to avoid madness. Because some of the things he says are just plain offensive. Here are a few highlights. ( Can you call it highlights, if what is said is so silly it hurts the brain of the listener? )

I went to the dentist again (for the third time these past two months) to pull out a tooth. Apparently I reacted stragely to the anaesthetics by having the same reaction as last time. Last time as she drugged me to take out the same tooth - only on the other side of the mouth - half my face was numb, including my ear. Yes, my ear. Man was that annoying. Anyway, today the same thing happened (man is this annoying), only on my left side. According to my dentist that is very rare. Because only very symmetric people have the nerves located on the same place on each side of the mouth. So apparently I have a very symmetric facial anatomy. Cool.

I just remembered why I don't come to the public library to study anymore, eventhough it's noticeably closer (as in a two minute walk next to a five minute walk, then a ten minute subwayride and then another two minute walk to uni). The people. Right now I am sitting next to a weird bearded man with an atlas who reads five mm close to the book and whispering everything he sees. Like every single detail. Sometimes it is an undistinguishable murmur similar to Parseltongue and then there are words. So basically like this:

Wwssssshhhshshshhssswwwssshhsmmmrrrmrmmrr TEXAS wsvsvsvwwmsmsnrwmsnswsssshhh HOUSTON mmnsnsssssshhhwrrwrrrrrrr BIODIVERSITY

Damn. Maybe I should just give up and go to uni after all. Because I can't study with my walkman on.

Så jeg ble medlem av panel.no. Mest fordi jeg svarte ja ved en feil da jeg deltok på en spørreundersøkelse for øl. (mmm. gratis øl) Jeg tenkte ikke videre over det, de sendte meg en mail for ca tre fire md siden hvor jeg skulle bekrefte registreringen min. Jeg bestemte meg for at det kunne umulig være veldig slitsømt å være med; det er jo valgfritt om jeg vil svare på disse brukerundersøkelsene og uansett er de elektroniske.

Etter det hørte jeg ikke noe fra dem før nå nylig. Da hadde jeg helt glemt at jeg var medlem. Men jeg svarte på spørsmålene deres om hudkrem og ble opplyst om at på min brukerkonto på panel.no var det nå blitt lagt til 10 kreditter. Dette interesserte meg, så jeg klikket meg inn på siden. Der fant jeg ut at joda, jeg hadde 10 kreditter. Dessverre kunne jeg ikke gjøre noe med ti kreditter, men dersom jeg svarte på flere brukerundersøkelser ville jeg tjene opp flere kreditter. Med 100 kreditter kunne man begynne å få ting. Ja, få ting. Gavekort på platekompaniet, bokhandel osv. En annen ting var dette:

Med 100 kreditter kunne man donere hundre kroner til Redd Barna. Det må vel være den enkleste måten å være pk-nissete på. Du blir jo da strengt tatt ikke en pk-nisse i det hele tatt, ettersom du egentlig ikke gjør noe for det. Jeg likte den tanken, for jeg er jo i utgangspunktet ikke så glad i veldedighetskonseptet vi har nå til dags. Men dette er jo greit. Noen få minutter en gang i blandt og etter en stund har du tjent opp nok kreditter til å gi til Redd Barna. Vær en forbruker og lille Hoang Joyce(4) med fluer i øynene og træler i hendene etter barnearbeidet kommer til å takke deg for det. Jeg gjør noen glad ved å krysse på et skjema delvis på måfå.

Skjønt, kjenner jeg meg selv rett, når jeg får 100 kreditter kommer jeg til å bruke dem på cd eller bøker. Men om dere vil dette er det bare å kontakte meg. Eller gå på panel.no. Men det hadde vært kulere om dere kontaktet meg, for jeg tjener kreditter på å verve dere. Tenk på Hoang Joyce (4) og vennene hennes.

I have an expression I use in Norwegian. Translated it means: Run (insert name here), run as fast as your short legs can carry you!

Apparantly people get offended when I say that. I am one of those people who are blessed with long limbs and that includes my legs. And so some people actually think I mean anything about it. I have a friend whose legs are... well not as long as mine. She always comments it. So for all of you: I won't stop saying it; after all, compared to me almost all your legs are short. Just don't read too much into it. ;)

(I used a random entry title when I scrolled down in the little browser.)

Africa, here represented by Tunisia, was so awesome. I took so many pictures. It was a charter tour, but we decided to just stay for the buffet and do our own stuff instead of going on the tours. People actually clap when the plane lands. I thought it was an not-quite-urban-as-it-is-charter-tourists-legend, but no, the clap. Fun! I post pictures on Facebook for those of you that want to see those. My head hurts and I am thirsty. There might be a connection. I also need to pee however, so I won't do anything about it. Instead I'll just go home and watch all the series I've been missing. And I bought a Vodka bottle in a studded leather jacket. Yes that's right, a studded leather jacket.

I am not a forgiving person. Yes, some people see me as a kind, loving person, though maybe with some temperament. And that is true. I love my friends and I would do almost anything for them. And I get angry really fast, even though it never lasts and I rarely hold grudges.

However. Hurt me and we're through. You closed a door and it won't be opened again. Break a trust and you will not get it back. The anger and grudge I felt at the time will be long gone, but we will never be the way we were and what we had is dead. For ever. I don't do forgiveness.

In not so other news I'm going to Africa on Sunday! Ohomg! I think now is the best time to do that. I have always wanted to just leave spontaneously and yes, that is what I am going to do now. In three days.

Smooches!

Something strange is happening to me these days. Usually when I look at my naked body in the mirror I fell somewhat dissapointed. This is too big, this is too small, this should be changed, I don't like the shape of this, etc. It's not that I hate the way I look, especially when I dress up; I mostly love myself and fell great when I go out, it's just that girly thing you know, I prefer myself with clothes to hide the not so splendid parts.

Recently however I noticed a change in the mirror. I don't know If I've physically changed or if it's all in my head, but I quite like the look of myself now. When I look at my tummy I think hey, that's not bad, and sometimes even Damn! I look hawt. Which is very pleasing, yet strange. I guess ny not-so-strict no carb diet is paying off.

In other news I relaxed my hair and moved to a new flat. None of which is as exciting as the way I feel about myself (which is great), even if I moved into a place that had no walls. That was weird. I'm getting the walls done now, however. It's just that while they're painting and, you know, putting up walls, I kinda have no place to stay. So I'm squatting. Hopefully they'll be done by saturday.

Uni. Everything is all new... no it bloody well is not! Same people same places. So much to do. Biophysics is boring. Biochem seems fun. Statistics... well it's math. Am currently at work. My ear itches. Here's a meme.

( actually, it's here. This is the link )

Unfortunately I belong to the latter cathegory it seems. Got my exam in three quarters of an hour now and I seriously started reading... 23 hours ago. Also I went to bed half past ten last night and slept like a baby (after watching Spiderman 3 - because that is what one should do 14 hrs before an important final). until a quarter to eight. then I watched two eps of entourage and went to uni for some more last minute cramming. where I realised... wait for it... I forgot a pen! Seriously. I forgot to bring a pen to my exams. and since I woke up so frikkin early I am so so so tired. Yep. This will go well.

So I had to buy a pen, three cups of coffe, food - as I have been dead broke for a week- and like a thousand liters of Red Bull. Did it help? Well, I hope the pen will, seeing how the food and ridiculous amounts of caffeine did not. At least I will be cool and awake for my after exams pizza party. Wooohoo! Whoop dee whoop. Wish me luck, I guess.

Things happen. And not necessarily all good things. To be honest, only bad things. Anyway, lettuce not dwell. I wrote today because Z0MG! This guy came in and bought 23 bondage porn movies! That's like porn for more than 8000 kr. Wow! How can you spend that much money on porn?! In one sitting? Especially when you can download it from the internets for free! And he paid cash, too.

After playing Tori Amos almost daily since I started here it happened. The thing I was hoping would happen. This cute little gay boy glittered* his way to me and complimented my music. He said: "I always thought this store needed more Tori Amos and I am absolutely *thrilled* that you play it!" Needless to say, I'm in love.




*I just wanted to let you know that from now on glitter is indeed a verb. To glitter, glitter, glittered, have glittered.

Jeg hørte på radio en gang for mange herrens år siden om ting som blir sagt for mange ganger i kassen til at det er morsomt lenger. "kvittering? Nei takk, jeg kan ikke trekke det fra skatten likevel." Da jeg hørte dette trodde jeg det var litt en spøk. For da var det aller første gangen jeg hørte noen si det. Men så fikk jeg jobb i butikk. Og bare i løpet av denne halvannen uken jeg har jobbet her så har jeg hørt det bli sagt i gjennomsnitt en gang daglig. Men hvorfor sier det? De mener det vel neppe? Og det er jo definitivt ikke morsomt. Også smiler jeg og later som om jeg syns det var en ny og vittig ting å si. Hvorfor gjør jeg det? De kan da umulig tro de sier noe originalt og givende? De kan jo bare si nei takk, du er kul.

I have a new job. I sell porn, yay! I can't really say it's a giving line of work, but at least it pays more than nothing and I get to pick the music. Today I have been unpacking porno flicks and I discovered a new super power I didn't know I had. When unpacking and price tagging I can just block the covers, so I don't really see what's on them. Because as you may know, some of the covers can be quite disturbing. I won't go into details because then the whole blocking things out concept would be wasted. But still, though, yay! So if you're in Oslo and are bored, please stop by.

In other news... no wait, that's it.

FYI, my birhtday went great. It was the best party I've had since I was 18.


I thought about something. There are somethings you can never say without it being cheezy. Like:
-with all my heart
-I feel it in my heart
-in my soul
- soul in general
etc.

There. I my head it seemed like such a good idea to blog about. Now that I see it written down... I'm not so sure. Then again it is half past two in the morning and I've been playing Rain since eleven. Fun fact. Rain is a classic three on a row/ gem drop kind of game.

The Lonely Island rules.

I liked the Harry Potter movie, btw. Even if they burned down The Burrow, and acted like they were on a Metallica concert when Dumbledore died. I should sleep.

It's been like, AGES! and I really have other things to post, BUT there was this one artist quiz that I posted on Facebook, but I couldn't really decide wich artist to pick so I took Tori there and Pixies here... :D

( Pick my artist )

I downloaded the Streets Original Pirate material and am in serious reminiscence. Aah sweet seventeen, or was I sixteen. Looking forward to birthday, for once in my life I get to invite ONLY people I like, and I won't have to invite people I don't want there because I should. HAHA! So happy! Hoping it will be (quote Arne)the time of my life(end quote).


:) counting down now.

I am now (or rather, when I wrote this) interrupting my sleep to write about penises. Boys are often self concious about their penises. Or so we’ve heard. I don't think boys really care that much about the size. I think that is overrated, and it’s created as a balance to the boob and body hysteria with the girls. Even though many girls are quite comfortable with their looks, there is almost never an evening with just girls where some competition about looks is missing. I do it myself.
We are told from movies and tv shows and books and friends that size does matter, and boy, does it matter a lot. And yes, sorry guys, it does. But not necessarily the way one should think. What really matters for a girl is not ”how you use it” but how it fits inside her. If ithe penis is too big or too tiny, chances are she’ll stop seeing it.

If it’s not freakishly small, or so enormous that it doesn’t function properly, I am inclined to think most boys aren’t really worried about their size, or feel the need to add a few milimeters. Now girls on the other hand. Either all my friends are exceptionally lucky or men with tiny penises don't exist. Or you know, it’s not all true.
Yes, I have both experienced and heard of events concerning tiny penises (or is it penii?), but then it’s the extreme other way around. You know the drill, the ”OMG he was so tiny I didn't even notice when he was inside me” line. Or when they are oddly misshapen, or have weird propotions (like the pyramid and the mushroom). One evening we had a very long conversations which basically was a competition over who had slept with the most weirdly shaped penis.

So seldom have I heard the sentence: ”no, I think he’s quite average.” When I think of it, only once have I heard it. Our men are so lucky and they are all well hung. I think it’s just as important to the women to sleep with well hung men, as it is for the men to be well hung, if not more. If our current man is not the overextremely lucky type, we tend not to say anything and gracefully lead the conversation away from said partner’s penis, or just add a couple centimeters. I mean who needs to know, right? It’s just a white lie. It’s not like anyone will get hurt by it. Quite the contrary. Just like we make the total number of partners look prettier by either adding or substracting a few, we make our current partner look prettier by adding a few.

But I wonder, though. Do the boys do the same? I think not.

AYNA: *walks home from party*
RANDOM STRANGER: Excuse me, miss. May I touch your breasts, please?
AYNA: eeh... no?
STRANGER: Please?
AYNA:...
STRANGER: ...
AYNA: no? Why?
STRANGER: I really need to touch your breasts. I can do it outside your clothes.
AYNA: Why?
STRAGNER: It'll be fun?
AYNA: No, it won't.
STRANGER: Yes it will.
AYNA: This jacket is rather big, I don't see the point at all. And why me, anyway?
STRANGER: You have a nice body?
AYNA: *looks down at big leather jacket that makes her look like slightly overweight man in skirt*
AYNA: ...
AYNA: Based on what grounds, exactly?
STRANGER: ... Um, Your um... calves?
AYNA: ...
STRANGER: So, how about it?
AYNA: Still no.
STRANGER: Come on, it will be fun. I don't have to do it outside your clothes.
AYNA: You don't say.
STRANGER: No no, I can do it underneath too, if you like.
AYNA: No, thank you.
STRANGER: It would mean a lot to me.
AYNA: Why don't you ask those girls, they look a lot drunker than what I am.
STRANGERS: I was kinda hoping you would have changed your mind by now.
AYNA: yeah, that's not gonna happen. Anyway, it was... really absurd talking to you, um... have a nice night.
STRANGER: Yes, you too.

Hi, boys and girls. You are now reading the memoirs of a working woman again. As it is I have had a job since I came home from Paris, but it's only now I felt like writing about it. Mostly I like my job. But yesterday that couldn't be said. I loved my job. It was so wonderful and... yeah. As I went home it started snowing and instead of cursing nature like I usually do I stuck out my tongue and caught snowflakes , and decided I'd walk home instead of taking the bus.

The job is quite simple; I work for Synovate and, to use thir words "help our clients meet the commercial challenges of the information age by constantly creating innovative ways of gathering facts, and turning that data into strategic business insights. If there's no existing method of finding out what you need to know, we'll invent it". So what I do is ask people if they'd like to participate in a survey. Usually they get a bag of coffe, or a lotery ticket for it.

Last week I worked outside. That was okay, not so much fun since it was 15 below outside (that's 5 degrees to you americans), but I got payed and my boss likes me. Yesterday however Synovate's customers was the cinema. So what we had to do was (oh fuck, my maternal instincts are being mean to me. Just now a puppy jumped up in my lap and my immediate reaction was not KILL KILL but awww. Then it was kill kill, of course.) go to the cinema and wait in this nice little room for the different shows to end and then ask them if they wanted to participate in the survey.

We got payed by the hour. That means that I got payed for sitting in a cozy room for two hours eating dinner and watching flight of the conchords. How can I not love this? I did. I loved it. Best job in the world.